TMI
Since you folks know far too much about me, I’d like to know juicy tidbits about your dangly bits.
Answer which side as if you are looking down at your body.
For the fellas, what way to you dress?
(for those of you with internal genitals, that means what direction does your part point when you wear pants — for me it’s to the right)
For the ladies, if one breast is bigger than the other, which is it?
Super Sexy Truths
- This morning I heard my mom tell my dad, “Cut it out, there’s no time for that.” — I hope to god she meant breakfast.
- In the past few months that I’ve lived with my parents, I’ve caught them “looking disheveled” on more than one occasion.
- My living situation has also made it difficult to “relate to myself,” but thankfully not impossible.
- I ate an entire Hawaiian pizza tonight without Lactaid; I’m about 30 minutes away from Pearl Harboring the toilet.
- I saw my friend’s lady parts while browsing through her cell phone pics. Does Hallmark sell a “sorry I saw your n00dz, but if it makes you feel any better, you have very nice labia” card?
10 Things I Find Sexy
- short girls
- brunettes
- nice teeth
- good hygiene
- sense of humor
- self-confidence
- sense of style
- spontaneity
- positivity
- ass ass ass ass ass ass ass
ass ass ass ass ass ass ass
ass ass ass ass ass ass ass
stop. now make that motherfucker hammer time.
Ordering Bolts
- saleswoman: How big is it?
- me: About 6 inches. How do I measure?
- her: Start below the head and measure down the shaft.
- me: I measured wrong; thought it was bigger than it was.
- her: That happens a lot.
Super Sexy Truths
- While fixing her computer, I discovered my cousin’s n00dz; seeing her jammers was slightly traumatic.
- I keep forgetting that the other person can see me when I FaceTime. Last night I was getting undressed for bed and they totally saw my fun parts.
- In 7th grade, my buddies and I went to a nude beach to see our first real life bewbies; we were devastated to discover that it was a gay nude beach.
- “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction has replaced “Call Me Maybe” as my current guilty pleasure song.
- When I was a teen, an attractive middle-aged woman taught me how to tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue: I am forever in her debt.
