When I was in high school, I had a classmate who was a little “off.”
He was a loner, didn’t bathe, wore the same outfit everyday; picture Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown.
He also used to touch himself — a lot. Though there’s a fine line between “adjusting yourself” and full blown flogging the dolphin, one teacher decided to take action.
She taped hand outlines on top of his desk and whenever she caught him doing the five knuckle shuffle, she’d yell “HAND CHECK!” and he would have to place his hands on the desk.
Though it didn’t stop him from whacking his piñata, it certainly made for an entertaining Spanish class.
A former classmate took his life this morning.
He posted his suicide note on Facebook.
I cannot even fathom what goes through someone’s mind before ending their own life, but we all know someone who is hurting, down and out, or lonely — reach out to them. Show them you care. Let them know they are not alone.
I read an article once that said the primary reason people are “addicted” to social networking is the feeling of missing out; essentially, when you’re offline, you’re missing out on what’s happening online.
I used to be a facebook addict; constantly checking the book to see what everyone was up to. I had over 800 “friends” and no one to hang out with on a Friday night.
In the height of my twitter “fame” (I use that term jokingly, i.e. when all the “cool kids” followed me), I’d spend hours starring and @ replying. My tweets did better, got more stars, but for what? I didn’t get a job out of it, nor money or anything tangible. And in the end, when I stopped star-fornicating and kissing @ss, they unfollowed.
I’m the first to admit that social networking gives me social anxiety. Whether it’s a silly tweet, a cathartic tumblr post, or an instagrammed photo of my deteriorating city, I constantly have to remind myself that “it’s only [social network],” but convincing myself is a different matter.
I read Mass of “Christian Burial” as “Christian Bale” and envisioned showing up to the funeral dressed as Batman.
I haven’t made a list in a while, so here it goes:
- I have a job app due today and I’ve done everything humanly possible to postpone actually completing it.
- I’ve been in creative funk lately, but longer days and warmer weather are shaking off the winter blues.
- I text the words YO PUSSAY and MUH DICK so often that autocorrect capitalizes them.
- I’m still love snapchat; it’s so random.
- I got 2 friend requests on foursquare this week; so you want me to share my exact location with random strangers on a passé social networking site? HELL to the NO.
A few years ago, when I still had Facebook, I got a random friend request from Ashley, a girl who I went to kindergarten with. I hadn’t seen her in 20 years, but was happy to see that she was currently living in NYC and a successful designer. I accepted and she immediately wrote on my wall:
Hey Carlton, just wanted to let you know, in kindergarten you told me Santa wasn’t real and I cried for an entire week. Thanks for ruining my life, asshole.
And then she unfriended me.
Two weeks ago, I stopped by American Eagle to rummage through the clearance rack and found some jeans for $24, so I grabbed a pair of 32x32 and headed to the register.
I get home, try them on, and they don’t fit. I know I’ve gained 5 pounds this winter, but I didn’t think I blew up like a balloon.
I went back yesterday to exchange them and told the sales associate that the pants were the wrong size.
“Have you tried a different size?”
“Like a 33?”
“No. Like a 36.”
“Those won’t fit.”
“Why don’t you try a pair?”
I joked, “Are you calling me fat?”
He turned beet red, “Well… umm… maybe you aren’t the size you think you are.”
I grab another pair off the rack, proceed to the dressing room, and they fit perfect; the other jeans almost 2 inches narrower in the waist, but the same size.
I fought with my mom tonight; I lost my patience and mouthed off. Words were exchanged, tempers flared. I receded to my office to cool down. After working for a few hours, I returned to my bedroom. I’ve been lying here for over an hour, wide awake, refreshing the social networks, trying to defeat the demons in my head.
